Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I was really scared

So last weekend, on saturday morning, around 5.45am, I was in the convinience store near central station. I was really hungry, so I was out buying hotdog and a juice and I sat just in front of the store to eat them (there are a few chairs around).

There were 3 young girls entering the store. One of them came out first carrying a can of coke. The other two were still inside.

The first girl, was around 15 years old, she was standing beside me. She whispered, her voice was totally creepy.

'You little slut, I'll bash you if you don't give me your bag'

She was totally on drugs, her eyes were red and watery. She had so much hatred in her eyes. She looked at me as if she was going to to kill me. she wasnt afraid of anything.

I said 'what?' prentending not to get it.

I was thinking what to do. I definately didnt want to give her my bag. I had afew hundred dollars inside, my phone, ipod, etc. But i was so scared of her.

She said, in a slightly louder voice, showing me her can of coke.

'I'll break your head if you don't give me your bag, bitch'

So i said 'okay'.

I stood up and ran inside the store. she didnt chase after me or jump to me. wuihh! I told the guy that she's crazy and what she just told me. I know the guy. I go to that convinience store quite often. and he said yes, her friends were trying to steal some stuffs. They then left.

I was so scared to go home afterwards, worrying that she's watching over me and that she hated me even more then. So I hanged around at the internet cafe nearby for a little while.

I thought, if not only her, but her other two friends were circling me too, I wouldnt be able to do anything. Or if I had my bag on the table, instead of on my lap, she would just grab it and ran.

I know the situation was not that life threatining considering she didnt have a knife or gun, but her eyes scared me like endless. And she was about fifteen!

I walked on the street of sydney so many times and seeing people asking passerbys for money. They would say they needed a bus ride fare home, they haven't eaten for days. I used to give them when they asked. I thought of karma you know, how difficult is their life and how blessed is mine and that 5$ is nothing to me. But apart of that, I was quite scared too. I was scared of them cursing me, screaming at me, being angry at me, I was scared of being hated.

But nowadays I dont give anymore. If they are old or disable, I would. Really I swear i would. But if they are young and healthy, and I know exactly that they can get enough money from social security regularly to be able to live decently. And I know that they ask money from people daily. it's like their everyday job. And they are all yound and healthy! Sometimes they harass people for it. and we, on the other hand, work so hard to earn every cent of our money. If its indonesia, totally different story, people there are really really poor and starving, they cant really get money from the government just by saying they are jobless. and there are barely jobs there too. people dont have money because they truly can't find any work. My heart goes out to them and i would give them any money if I have.
It saddened me and touched me how poor fathers (in underdeveloped countries) works and sweating from early morning to late at night, doing hard tiring demanding stuff to earn very little income to just keep their family alive and hopefully to send their kids to school. And when it comes to food, they would selflessly give their shares to their wife and kids.

And these people when they have had social security still demanding money from strangers. Not 1 or 2 dollars, but sometimes 10to 20 dollars.
So now, i say no to them. The first time i did it was hard. I'm the type of person who doesnt like to disappoint anyone or for people to hate me. But it got easier from time to time.

Their response was usually 'Fuck you, bitch' or other types of nasty swear words.
One particular woman is the same woman who asked me and I gave 5$ the week before. (yes, you'll meet the same person). She didn't even remember or respect me, does she?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order. ~Samuel Beckett

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. ~Agnes De Mille

There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good. ~Edwin Denby

Dancing faces you towards Heaven, whichever direction you turn. ~Sweetpea Tyler
It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer. ~Shanna LaFleur

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. ~Charles Baudelaire
Dance is music made visible.

Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is not mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself. ~Havelock Ellis
Dance is the hidden language of the soul. ~Martha Graham

Dancing is just discovery, discovery, discovery. ~Martha Graham

The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word. ~Mata Hari
To dance is to give oneself up to the rhythms of all life.

To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak. ~Hopi Indian Saying
Nothing is more revealing than dancing.

They who love dancing too much seem to have more brains in their feet than in their head. ~Terence (definately me=p)

The moment one knows how, one begins to die a little. Living is a form of not being sure, of not knowing what next or how.....One leaps in the dark!" -Agnes Demille, Dance Choreographer

I am a dancer. I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living.... In each it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one's being, a satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some area an athlete of God. ~Martha Graham, c.1953
Socrates learned to dance when he was seventy because he felt that an essential part of himself had been neglected. ~Source Unknown

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters
Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop.~W.H. Auden

ps = Let the music move your body.


by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams,
for if dreams die
Life is a broken winged
Bird that cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow

My own way

I found this quote from greys anatomy

'what's important is that we never stop believing that we can always have a new beginning, but its also important to remember that amid all that crap, there are a few things that really worth holding on to'

isnt it true?
if you feel that you want to hold into something dear and for you its just very worthy,
then you dont have to follow all those important saying that says 'move on'...'get over it'...'start over'
because its your life
and live life listening to your heart
and it may not be the most correct thing,
the wisest thing,
or the smartest thing at all,
i like to live life my own way..

Life lessons

If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends....B1!

The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

Minds are like parachutes.. .they function only when open.

Ideas won't work unless YOU do.

One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.

Don't learn safety rules by accident.

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.

A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

A turtle makes progress when it sticks its head out.

One thing you can give and still your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime

Quote from a book

Book : Have a little faith
Author : Mitch Albom
Page : 176

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

This is true

I will

I will do more than belong,
I will participate.

I will do more than believe,
I will practice.

I will do more than forgive,
I will forget.

I will do more than teach,
I will inspire.

I will do more than care,
I will help.

I will do more than dream,
I will work.

I will do more than give,
I will serve.

Be More Than Safe

Haven't met you yet

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
Have broken my heart so many times,
I stopped keepin' track
Talk myself in
Talk myself out
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And i know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
in love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
( I just haven't met you yet )
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet